Painting over my Fears
by brookescott13
Summary: This is a Brucas story and it takes place closer to the end of season four. This is from Brooke’s POV… Ch. 6 up Nov. 15. FINAL CHAPTER
1. Fear

"Painting over my Fears"

This is a Brucas story and it takes place closer to the end of season four. This is from Brooke's POV…

This is my FIRST fan fic, so bare with me if it isn't that great! I hope you enjoy it! Tiffany

Ch. 1 - Fear

I sit looking out at the calming waves of the ocean with the warm sand between my toes. It seems like lately, I have been coming to this same spot. It gives me a claming feeling, something I do not feel often. The feeling that the waves will wash away all my fears, well most of them anyways. FEAR, that one-four letter word describes my life in so many ways.

I used to have a wonderful life until earlier this year. I had a wonderful boyfriend, a best friend, I was captain of the cheerleading squad and I was one of the most popular girls in Tree Hill High. Your probably wondering what happened to make me lose all of this and I will tell you, it was FEAR and a lot of heartache.

Fear of letting people into my life and trusting them. Heartache because the two people I love most in this world hurt me AGAIN! My best friend and my boyfriend, well ex-best friend and ex-boyfriend now, thanks to my stupidity.

Lucas & Peyton, the two most important people in my life or they used to be until I pushed them out of my life.

See, this is what I do; I push people out of my life when I need them the most. I have always put on a different face in front of people, but Lucas & Peyton were different, I didn't have to pretend with them.

When I found out about Peyton's feelings for Lucas and the kiss, I was stubborn and didn't give either of them a chance to explain their side of the story. I just blew the situation right out of the water, like I always do. I told Peyton that I never wanted to speak to her again, plus I slapped her and then I talked bad about her deceased mother Ellie. Boy was I way out of line!! Since I thought that Lucas kissed Peyton again, I just figured he still had feelings for her, so I broke up with him without any explanation. I will have to admit, this was the biggest mistake of my life! I let the boy I love with my whole heart, my life just go because of fear!

My fears are something I am trying to overcome, but how? How can I make my heart stop hurting? It seems like everything I come up with, points to one person…. Lucas

There is chapter 1 guys!! I hope you enjoy it! More should be up this soon.


	2. Signs

Disclaimer: I do not own OTH. Mark is the the sole creator of this wonderful show!! How I wish I did own Chad though:)

Thanks for the reviews guys.. Since I am new at the whole story writing process, let me know how I need to make it better! Tiffany

Ch.2 – Signs

Why does everything always have to point to Lucas?? Is this suppose to be a sign? One that I am missing, telling me that I am meant to be with him? I can't be with him, simply because I can't be hurt again. He has hurt me twice, which is a pretty good pattern, so he will do it again. Right? Why does love have to be this complicated?!?!?!

I look up to the sky to search for answers. I am not that big on religion, but maybe I can find the answers to all my problems in the clouds. But just my luck, the sky is as empty as my heart feels. Maybe this is my sign… I hate that sign!

You know, I don't even know why I am here at the beach. This beach has so many memories of Lucas and me. Late night walks, the start of our friendship after the Felix mistake, the beginning of our non-exclusive relationship, what was I thinking there… Non-exclusive?? I guess that was me being scared, again!! Then there was the time Lucas pronounced to me and the whole lifeguard team for that matter that he was the guy for me! That was one of the proudest moments in my life! What I wouldn't give for him to say that to me again! This time I would do things different! I would run up into his arms and tell him that he is the guy for me and that I love him with my whole heart and that I would never leave him again! But I guess this is just wishful thinking on my part, because he told me a couple of months ago that he was wrong and that he wasn't the guy for me. What do you say to the guy that holds your heart when he says he's not the one for you? When he told me those words, it was in that moment that my life was shattered. It was in that moment that I knew that he was the one for me. I that very moment, I knew that nothing was ever going to be the same. So I guess this beach is another sign, a sign that still points me back to that blonde hair, blued eyed boy that holds my heart.

I began walking back to Rachel's house, the person I used to despise, but now we are pretty good friends. She has helped me through a lot these past few months. She also has tried to convince me to fight for Lucas, to tell him exactly how I feel. Which I thought was kind of strange coming from the girl that tried to steal him away from me when she first came here.

She told me that when Lucas and her went on the "date" for the Fantasy Boy Draft, that all he talked about that night was me. She also told me that he said that I was the one. She asked him why he thought that and he replied by saying he felt it. Then he quoted one of his famous sayings, something along the lines of the heart has reasons that reason cannot know. Then she told me that she made him shoot the basketball blind folded and if it went in, that it was destiny that he and I would be together. What do you know, the damn ball goes in!! I guess right there is another sign! But so much for destiny right?

As I am walking, I find myself passing an all too familiar place, his favorite place, the Rivercourt. I walk up to the bench and look around, this was his world and I was suppose to be the biggest part of that world. I guess I'll never be apart of that world thanks to me and my insecurities.

He got his start on the Ravens basketball team here on this court by beating Nathan Scott at one on one. This is the place where Lucas became who he is today, the guy all the girls wanted, they guy I wanted more than life. This was just the beginning of my journey with Lucas. Perhaps another sign that points me in his direction.

I love this place; this place holds a special meaning to me. Lucas is that special meaning. So many great memories, so many great times spent here. This is where his heart is, so therefore this is where my heart belongs.

Signs, so many signs. I can't shake the fact that my head is in the wrong place and the right place is where my heart is, with him. The boy that can make me whole again. So I am going to follow my heart and these signs that keep leading me to him.


	3. Fight

Here is chapter 3 guys! Sorry it is so short, I just wanted to get you guys a new chapter up! Chapter 4 will be much longer, I promise! Thank you so much for all the reviews and comment!! Enjoy Tiff

Ch.3 – Fight

"_You told me to fight for you and I did. But, you never fought for me."  
"And I'm not going to." "Okay, then I guess I was wrong. I'm not the guy for you Brooke Davis."_

This moment, keeps playing over and over in my mind. This was the night that Lucas stopped fighting for me; this was the night that I felt like nothing was ever going to be the same again. For Lucas to say those words to me, it cut me deep life a knife. Why did I say that I wasn't going to fight for him when all I want is him?

I guess when you are hurt and angry at the world, you say things that you don't really mean. Just like when I insulted Peyton's mom that same night! I called her dead mother a whore!!! What kind of friend does that, especially a BEST friend?? I guess I take my hurt and pain out on other people, the most important people. I keep everything so bottled up and I never let anyone in and tell them what I am going through until eventually it gets so bad, that I release my furry at the expense of other people.

Lucas wanted me to fight for him and I simply gave up! Why should I have to fight for him, he is the one that kissed Peyton again. But wait, he really didn't kiss her; she kissed him because she thought she was dying! Why do I always screw things up? Why can't I just let go of my pride when people are trying to explain things to me?

Pride is something that I hold very deep. Pride is the main reason I haven't fought for Lucas and for Peyton! But now, the hell with PRIDE! I am not going to let "My Pride" stand in the way of the man I love and the women that is my best friend! I am going to FIGHT damn hard for the two most important people in the world to me! I just hope that they will forgive me in the end!


	4. Hope

Thank you gilmoregrly4life, JULESM24, goober396, catcat51092 so much for all of the reviews! I appreciate all you have to say about this story. Chapter 4 is really short, and I know you are going to hate that gilmoregrly4life!! It is short because I am building up to the first step of Brooke going to talk to Peyton that will be chapter 5… Let me know what you think! Tiffany

Disclaimer: OTH is NOT created by me unfortunately, it is created by that brilliant guy, Mark!

Ch. 4 – Hope

Hope is something everyone has. Something I have a lot of. I hope that Lucas and Peyton will forgive me and that they will let me back into their lives. I hope that everything will go back to normal for us and for the five of us. The five of us, Lucas, Peyton, Haley, Nathan and me. I hope that we can all go to the beach or go to the Rivercourt and just be normal teenagers trying to figure life out together. Not having to worry about someone bringing a gun to school or what colleges we are going to go to. Just be us against the world for the rest of our lives.

I hope that Peyton and I can be "hoes over bros" again and she will call me "B. Davis" and I will call her "P. Sawyer." Man I miss those times. I just hope that she is a bigger person than I was when she tried to explain everything to me. I hope that she does not turn and walk away from me and tell me that she never wants to see me again and that her and Lucas are better off without me in their lives. Are they better off without me in their lives? This is probably my biggest fear of all.

My biggest hope is that Lucas still feels the same way about me as I do for him. What if he doesn't?? What if I have ruined everything for good this time and what if he has forgotten about me since I walked out on him? What would I do then? My heart couldn't handle that. What do I do if I have my head and my heart talked into letting him back in and he turns me down?

Oh gosh, here I go again with all these FEARS running through my head! But I am not going to let these small things called FEAR and DOUBT cloud my vision! I know what I want and I am going to go after it right now, starting with my best friend Peyton. Let's just HOPE she will greet me with open arms.

So, here I go to her house with all these things running through my mind… _Fear, Signs, Fight and Hope_.


	5. First Step

Hey guys!! I am back with a new chapter! This one is much longer! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot of the story!

Ch. 5 – First Step

I take the first step up to the porch that I have set foot on so many times before. But this time, I have different feelings than previous times. A scared, nervous, sad feeling has overcome me now. Not the happy, bubbly, positive feeling that I used to have coming to my best friend's house.

I gently knock on the door, something I have never done here before. Normally, I would bounce right on in and run up the stairs to Peyton's room, but this time I have no right to do that. I really have no right to be here because of the way I have treated her. But oh well, I have to try. I stand at the door a few minutes longer and no one answers. I wonder if she is even here. I tug on the door and it is unlocked like normal. You would think that after the crazy, stalker fake brother accident, she would lock her door now. But that is Peyton for ya, she trust everyone! I debate rather or not to walk right on in or wait. So I just walk right on it, I have been waiting too long to make up with my best friend!

I start to walk up the stairs when I hear the typical Peyton music playing. Good she is here I say to my self! I reach the top of the stairs and I stop, taking in a deep breath! I can do this, I have to do this! I inch closer to her bedroom door and I'm finally standing in the door way. I stand there for a few seconds and find Peyton lying on her bed with her head turned the other way. I think back to the time where I remember Lucas and me standing in this exact door way watching her like I am doing now. I look around the room, not much has changed except the closets doors have been painted over. So many great memories happened in this room, I just hope we can make more great memories like that.

I focus my attention back to the curly blonde in front of me. She still doesn't know I am here. I guess she is asleep. I walk around to the other side of the bed, making sure to not to disturb her sleeping. I look a little closer at her face and you can see the tear stains. I wonder if those tears were from me. I sit on the edge of the bed and she starts to stir. I calmly place my hand on her cheek and she smiles in her sleep. I wonder if she can sense I am here or if she knows that is my touch. She probably hasn't had much sleep lately, so I will just wait here until she wakes up. I will wait as long as it takes.

After about an hour of waiting, she finally stirs some more, but this time, her eyes flicker open. She sees me and sits straight up in bed.

"Brooke, what are you doing here? Am I dreaming?" asks Peyton

No, you're not dreaming. I have been here for well over an hour just watching you sleep. I know it sounds kind of stalkerish, but I knew if I left, it would take me a long time to get the courage to come here again. So I stayed until you woke up so I could talk to you.

"Really, I figured you would never step foot in this house again, more less want to talk to me." Said Peyton

Well Peyton, I have done a lot of soul searching and I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. I should have let you explain things to me instead of slapping you and calling you names. I am so sorry Peyton I never meant to hurt you in any way. All the things I said and did were out of anger and confusion! I should have never let my feelings for a guy come between our friendship. We have been through too much to let that happen. So I guess what I am doing here is trying to ask for forgiveness and to apologize.

"Brooke, I really thought that this was the end for us. But I guess fate has a different say so. I understand that you did not mean anything by your actions or your words. I know what it is like to say things and do things when you are hurting. Remember when my first mom died and I screamed, yelled and broke things? So don't worry about those things. It was just the hurt taking over that soul of yours! As for your feelings for a guy coming between us, that is something that we let both get in the way. But that is in the past, we are in the present now and we still have the future! You're my Brooke and always will be! Of course I forgive you. Come here girly!!" said Peyton

Oh Peyton I had the worst fears of coming here today! I thought for sure you would slam the door in my face and tell me to go to hell! That any chance we had of being best friends again was gone! You do not know how happy I am to hear you say all those things! I have missed you so much P. Sawyer!

"I have missed you too B. Davis, more than you know" replied Peyton

"But before we get all giggly and stuff, there is one more thing I need to tell you" said Peyton

"I want you to know Brooke that Lucas and I are not together, nor are we going to be. I just wanted to get that out in the open, so you don't have to worry about seeing him with me." Replied Peyton

I really appreciate you being honest Peyton, but I have one question. What happened to the feelings towards Lucas you told me about.

"Well Brooke, Luke and I were miserable without you and we realized that we loved you more than we loved each other. So I never did anything about my feelings for him and eventually I found myself wanting you in my life more than Lucas. I wanted my best friend back and I was going to do anything to make that happen." Peyton said

Awe Peyton, I was miserable without you too! I have missed us so much! I was just too stubborn to realize it until today when I was at the beach and the rivercourt!

"Since you figured out you are stubborn, what else did you realize today while you were our pondering your life" asked Peyton

Well, I guess I realized that I can not mess with fate because no matter where I go, I keep thinking of you and Lucas. I am sorry to tell you this Peyton, but I still love him, more probably now than I ever did. He is the one for me you know, Pascal says "The heart has reasons that reason cannot know." I have always known I loved him, but today for some reason, it hit me like a ton of bricks that he is the one. The only guy I ever want to be with. I hope me telling you this Peyton doesn't throw a loop in things between us.

"Oh Brooke, I am so glad that you finally realized that he is the one. Even when I thought I was in love with him, deep down I knew he was meant to be with you! I am so happy for you! Now what are you going to do with these newly found feelings? Asked Peyton

Well I have decided I am going to tell him how I feel and I just hope he feels the same way. I just wanted to try and patch things up with you before I went and opened my heart up to him.

"Well if I know Lucas just right, and I think I do, he is madly insanely still in love with you! I can see it in his eyes every time your name is mentioned! All I have to say Brooke is, go get your man and don't let your fears stand in the way this time!!" replied Peyton

I am not letting anything stand in the way of how I feel anymore! Life is too short Peyton and I am not going to live in fear of the unknown anymore! Thank you so much for understanding!!!

"No problem!! Anything for my B. Davis!! Now go, get out of here and go get your man but call me with the details!" said Peyton

I will, don't worry Peyton!! I turned to head to the door and I turned back and ran up to Peyton to give her the biggest hug ever! I love you P. Sawyer, don't ever forget that!

"I love you too B. Davis! Don't worry I won't ever forget it! Don't you ever forget it either!" replied Peyton**  
**

I won't best friend! And with that I ran out the door, down the steps I first took a couple of hours ago to go make that blonde hair, blue eyed boy that I love with all my heart mine again for always and forever!


	6. Author's Note

Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate you guys sticking with my story even if it is poorly written, if it doesn't make sense, if the actions and reactions are weak and not believable and if my sense of what is "right" is screwed up.

I am sorry for the lack of update this week, it's due to my college schedule being hectic! I have two biology exams and a history exam this week!

So hang in there and I will try to have an update for you by next week!

Again guys, THANK YOU so much! I am glad that most of you like my story!!

Xoxoxo

Tiffany


	7. The Second Step

Hey guys! Thank you so much for your reviews on Chapter 5. Here is the new and final chapter of this story. I am sorry this is story has been short, but I just needed to end it. Thank you so much for your support and making my first Fan Fic EVER a success! Enjoy Tiff

Ch. 6 – The Second Step

As I leave Peyton's house, I look back up at her bedroom window and I see her standing there. I wave her goodbye and smile my dimpled smile. She smiles and waves back and gives me a thumps up and mouths "Go for it." I can not tell you how good it feels to have my best friend back. How good it feels knowing that we can overcome anything if we just talk it out and have faith in our friendship.

I turn to walk away and head to the second step I have I have to take in making everything ok again. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do so far in my life. Admitting my feelings and putting my whole heart on the line is something I should have done a long time ago, but I was afraid. I am not afraid anymore. I am in love and I am not going to hide that from anyone, especially to the one who has my heart.

I continue to walk to find Luke when I pass by the book store that he took me into when we started dating for the first time. I walk in and that old book smell reminds me of him. I scan the book selection looking for something special. Something that I know he will like but it will also explain how I feel when he reads it. I pick up a book titled _The 100 Best Love Poems of All Time By: Leslie Pockell _and I begin to read through the pages. This is perfect I thought. It totally puts my feelings that I have such a hard time expressing on paper! I sit at the near by table and I begin writing on the inside cover a little not for Luke. Something he can look back on in the future and remember my love for him will never die. I go to purchase the book and the lady behind the counter tells me this is a great book and someone special must be receiving it. I told her she had no idea how special that someone is to me.

I leave the book store and head for Karen's Café. Haley told me she was working today, so maybe she can tell me where I can find Luke. I walk in the café and the door chimes.

Me: Hey Tutor Wife! What's up?

Haley: Hey Brooke! Not much, how are you?

Me: Well I kind of need some advice, so I thought why not ask the Tutor Girl herself.

Haley: Ok, well what do you need advice on?  
Me: Well I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have finally realized that when I pushed Lucas away, it was the biggest mistake of my life. So I thought I could get him a gift to maybe show him how much he means to me and how much I love him. So I bought this poetry book with over 100 different poems about love _(hands Haley the book and Haley takes the book and begins to read the description)_

_The 100 Best Love Poems of All Time _

_By: Leslie Pockell_

_  
Here, in one compact volume, is a greatest hits collection of the 100 bets love poems ever written by 100 of the world's greatest poets. This essential anthology is ideal for the romantic-and will inspire any cynic. The poets included range throughout the history of world literature: from the Classics (Sappho, Catullus) and Renaissance (Shakespeare, Donne, Dante) to the Romantics (Shelly, Keats, Wordsworth) and 20th century giants (Frost, Lorca, Graves), right down to the present day (Viorst, Patchen, Neruda). Each poem features a brief introduction, which details the poet's life history as well as the poem's significance._

Haley: Wow Brooke! This is great! Lucas will love this!

Me: I hope so, there are so many things in this book that say exactly how I feel about him.

Haley: Wait, you mean you have actually read this book?

Me: Yeah, as strange as it sounds, I really read the book. Ever since I met Lucas, my life has a new perspective to it. I really enjoy sitting down and reading a good book.

Haley: Well, then I guess Brooke there is only one thing left for you to do.

Me: Yeah and what would that be?

Haley: Go get your man Brooke! Everyone knows that you two are meant to be together, you finally realized it, now it's time for you to make him realize it too!

Me: I just hope he thinks the same way we think!

Haley: I think he will, you just got to have faith!

Me: Faith is something I had a hard time believing in, but you and Nathan made me believe again!

Haley: Well then Brooke, I guess this is the time to make us all believe in faith.

Me: I guess so. Well, I guess I need to go do what I have been wanting to do for so long. It just took me a while to finally admit that to myself.

Haley: Go get him Tiger and call me with the details!

Me: I will Tutor wife don't worry! I just hope it turns out the way it should be! Oh and one more thing Haley, do you know where Luke is?

Haley: Yes, he is at home. Bye sweetie and Good Luck!

Me: Thanks! I'll call you later! Bye!!

_Cut to Lucas' bedroom door that is still painted black..._

_Knock, knock…_

_Lucas gets up and puts the book down that he was reading to answer his door…_

Lucas: _(surprised)_ Brooke, I wasn't expecting you! It's so good to see you. Is everything ok??

Me: Actually, nothing is ok. I have something really important to talk to you about and I was just hoping you would be willing to go somewhere with me.

Lucas: Of course, just let me grab my coat and we can go

_Lucas grabs his coat and they exit the house. They begin walking and they end up at the Rivercourt._

Lucas: Wow Brooke, whatever you have to talk about must be really important for you to bring me to the place I love!

Me: Well, this place is important to you and so it is important to me. And yes, I hope what I have to say is as important to you as it is to me.

Lucas: Ok well, shall we sit on the bench?

Me: Sounds great! Ok where to begin.

Lucas: Just start from the beginning.

Me: Lucas, I know that we have been through a lot together; Peyton, the pregnancy scare, Nathan's car wreck, Haley's leaving for the tour, the school shooting, Keith's death and your heart condition. I once though if we could get through this many problems, we could get through anything, but somewhere along the way, I lost faith. Then I realized one day that love is a leap of faith and if you don't take it, love won't make it. So after the Naley wedding, I wanted to restore my faith in us, but then I kept seeing you and Peyton together and I just gave up on us. I pushed you away and I never really gave you a reason.

Lucas: This year has been really hard on us Brooke. But I want you to know one thing is for sure, Peyton and I are only FRIENDS, nothing more. I have no romantic feelings for her at all.

Me: I talked to Peyton and I know that now. But this is why I am here today, to give you this. _(I hands Lucas the book)_ I got this for you. This book describes everything that I feel. There is so much I want to express to you, but I just can't find the words. So I think the book does it for me.

Lucas: Brooke, I don't know what to say to this.

Me: Don't say anything yet, I'm not finished

Me: I was lost until I met you Lucas Scott. Now I'm happy in today and hopeful for tomorrow. You brought out the REAL me and I am so grateful for that. It's like you made me see that pencils have erasers because people make mistakes and I could erase all my mistakes. You never faulted me for my mistakes, you just loved me for who I was, not what I had done in my past. So with that said, it's not fair for me not to forgive you for your mistakes. I forgive you and I want you to know that I will always be here for you through thick and thin.

Lucas: I really appreciate that Brooke and I want you to know that all the mistakes I made, I never meant to hurt you.

Me: I know that Lucas and it took me a long time to forgive you and to accept the fact that you are human too just like me.

_I take the book from Lucas and open it to the first page_

Me: Here, _(I hand Lucas back the book to the first page) _Read what I wrote.

Lucas: _(reading out loud what is written)_ "_My wish is not to mean everything to everyone but to mean everything to someone. That someone Lucas Scott I want to be you. Loving you is like breathing, how can I stop? I have loved you from the moment I met you and I will love you until the moment I leave this earth. Love is a hole in the heart that needs a lifetime to fill. I want you to be that lifetime and I want you to fill the hole that is in my heart. For you are the only one that holds my heart. I have learned that life is a journey; love is the destination. If you want something to work, you've got to put your love in it. I am willing to put my heart, sole and body into loving you the rest of my life. So please, if you love me, tell me it's true, if you don't, I'll still love you. Love means I care for you, I need you and I love you. I am the girl for you Lucas Eugene Scott, you'll see… Always your Pretty Girl, Brooke"_

_Lucas starred at the book for what seemed like minutes. He turned his head to Brooke and his eyes glistened with fresh tears. _

Lucas: Brooke, you have no idea how long I have been waiting to hear these words. This book means so much to me. There are not enough _Thank yous _I can say. I will cherish this book the rest of my life. I could not ask for more from you! This book tells me what your heart really feels.

Me: Thank you Lucas. I was hoping you would feel this way and wouldn't think it was cheesy!

Lucas: There is nothing cheesy about the love you have for me Brooke!

Me: Lucas…

Lucas: shh Brooke, it is my turn now… I love you too! I always have! I am going to do everything in my power to make you believe in me again. When I brought you here to the Rivercourt after the Chris Keller incident, I told you this was my world and you asked if you could be apart of that world and I told you that you were the biggest part of my world. I still mean that, I always have. I forgive you for pushing me away. I know that you were going through a lot and needed to find your way, and I am glad that you found your way back to me. You always said that people who are meant to be always find their way in the end. We have found our way Brooke, back to each other.

Me: (_crying)_ Thank you Lucas for always believing in me and never giving up hope on us! I promise, to never loose faith again!

Lucas: Just remember love can survive anything, we are proof of that.

_I hug Lucas…_

Me: If a hug represented how much I love you, I would hold you in my arms forever!

Lucas: Me too Brooke, me too

Lucas: How about we go back to the café and pack a picnic and go to the park and we can read this wonderful book together and talk about it?

Me: That sounds wonderful! But first, can we please go back to your house and paint over that dreadful black door?

Lucas: Of course, I have missed the red door and the girl behind it.

Me: Thanks Luke. I have missed the red door too! But most of all I want to paint over it because if I paint over the black, it will be like I am painting over my fears. I used to have so many fears, and now they are all gone because I have overcome the biggest one and that is letting you back into my heart.

Lucas: Oh Brooke…I love you Pretty Girl!

Me: I love you too Boyfriend!


End file.
